Ten Years Ago
by FrostandSilence
Summary: Ten years ago, someone took Squalo's first kiss, but it wasn't his boss! Xanxus uses his mighty brain to solve the dilemma. Pure crack. Xanxus x Squalo


Ohoho, on my updating spree, I found this gem. XD No proof reading, no sense.

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Xanxus had been Squalo's first. He'd claimed him at fourteen, all of him, his body and his heart. Eight years Xanxus had been frozen and eight years Squalo had belonged to him. There was no questioning it. Seeing the white haired man naked in his bed was just a part of life. Unfortunately, he hasn't been able to take every bit of innocence from Squalo, as he'd hoped. He'd later learn that Dino, the Cavallone boss, had taken his lover's first kiss. That wasn't pleasant at all. When questioned (in the form of a beating), the only explanation Squalo could produce was that Dino had followed him like a lovesick puppy, and the kiss was a result of having him patience stretched past the breaking point.

Unfortunately, this had happened almost ten years ago, and there wasn't much that Xanxus could do about it.

Until a conference with the Bovino family provided an unexpected solution. Their mechanical genius had a small problem with his greatest creation, the ten year bazooka. Instead of sending people forwards ten years, it was sending them back. This didn't do much good, it just resulted in a whole lot of incidents involving scared children instantly being transported into the future, being met with frightening mafiosi (cow suits can be frightening. THEY CAN.) and going back to their own time screaming so loudly that it caused them to be locked in a psychiatrist's office for the rest of their lives. (Coincidentally, this would mean never joining the mafia, and therefore never being shot by the ten year bazooka, inevitably causing a rip in the space time continuum, or something along those lines, but Xanxus didn't give two fucks about science.) Like many of his inventions, he'd asked Xanxus to find him a test subject, and Xanxus (having little to no skill with foresight and proper planning, and far more with being drunk off his ass at conferences) agreed. As he was having trouble finding a volunteer (interesting fact, he doesn't know when to give up) he resolved to shoot his right hand man and lover with it, (what's the worst that could happen?) without Squalo's knowledge of course.

"TRASH. IN MY OFFICE. NOW."

Bel walked in "ushishishi~ do you mean me, boss?"

"No, not you. The other trash."

"Meeee?" Lussaria pranced through the doorway, looking around ten percent more gay than he had the previous day. The man must have some sort of fairy of bad taste following him around.

"The other other trash."

"BOSS, DO YOU MEAN ME?!" Thinking he'd been called, Levi wasted no time in jumping into the room, landing on his face inches from Xanxus' shoes, and proceeding to kiss those shoes, earning him a swift kick in the teeth. "Ith not meee?"

"WHERE THE HELL IS SQUALO?"

Everyone cleared out (even Levi, who was sobbing uncontrollably) at the sight of the equally angry shark stomping into the room "VOOOOI, I WAS EATING, STUPID BOSS." He quieted down as Xanxus pulled the bazooka out from under his desk. "What are you doing with that?" In fact, Xanxus didn't quite know. The thing was so stupidly designed that it looked like a child's toy (it was far too complex for him) so he threw it at Squalo, hoping that something would happen. Pink smoke filled the room, and the swordsman disappeared, being replaced with a smaller, angrier version of himself. "AND THAT'S THE LAST TIME THAT..." he noticed the change of setting "VOOOI, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" If the current Squalo was twenty two, then that would make this one twelve. It was him alright, Xanxus could tell from the puffy white hair that framed the kid's face and made him look absolutely adorable. He wondered if Squalo recognized his older self "WHO ARE YOU, SHITFACE?" Guess he didn't.

"Shut up, little brat."

"VOOOI, I'm not a brat. I'm going to be boss of the Varia one day."

Xanxus stifled a laugh. At this age the brat still wanted to be a boss. He patted Squalo's hair "that's cute."

"I'm not fucking cute. I'm going to become the greatest swordsman ever. NOW WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

At least the brat knew his own capabilities. Then Xanxus remembered why he'd thrown the bazooka at adult Squalo in the first place. "Hey, brat, do you know a little shithead named Dino?"

"Cavallone? Yeah. Why?" He glared at Xanxus "are you some sort of hitman?"

"What if I am?" If the white haired brat had the guts to defend Dino, then he'd get a sound beating before the five minutes were up.

"Then kill him and make it fast." His voice cracked a bit. Same loud tone, just starting to go through puberty. It made his future boss grin. "Voi, the idiot keeps babbling stupid stuff about crushes."

"You don't like him?"

"He's nice, but he pisses me off." Squalo had been so distracted by Xanxus that he'd momentarily forgotten his rage "VOOOI, WHAT'S IT TO YOU?"

"Never let that brat kiss you."

"Well, maybe I should." He smirked. Irritating people was a hobby for him. Not taking any mind of the strong hand tightly squeezing his left shoulder, he continued "actually, he has nice lips. I probably-" he was cut off by scarred lips being pressed against his roughly. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING," he sputtered, shoving Xanxus away with his skinny little arms.

"Know when to shut your mouth, trash." The little Squalo didn't have any time to curse, as he was instantly replaced with his ten year older self. Who was none the less angry.

"Pedophile!" He slapped the surprised Xanxus with his metal hand (surprisingly not as hard as he could have with his good hand) "you got a fucking boner from my little self."


End file.
